Amen and Amen!

I have spent a lot of time in the last few days memorizing my ceiling. This was brought about by a combination of cold like symptoms on Tuesday followed by intense food poisoning (I think from Baskin Robins) that literally kept me on my back all day Wednesday. I'm much better today, and successfully managed to eat a whole banana and around 8 bites of yogurt. Nevertheless, my ceiling fan and I have become fast friends and are growing closer today as I spend one more day resting before returning to work.

I remember my first few days coming to India. Sitting in this same room, I verged very close to depression and despair. In a pretty significant turn, it has actually been good for me to spend time in the room for the last few days. I'm going a bit stir crazy, but I have been thankful for the time to process and reflect on many of the things that I have been struggling with spiritually and emotionally here. I will have more adventures to post soon, as I heading off to a beautiful village called Bundi for the weekend, but bear with me as I share some more of my thoughts from the last several days.

I've been reading a lot about the Holy Spirit in Francis Chan's Forgotten God, as well as listening to several sermons on the topic. I have this deep longing to not just experience faith as something cerebral but as an assurance and power that resides deep within my heart and soul. At this point, I still am not experiencing in this, and I have found it crippling, especially as I struggle with the suffering that I see here and God's goodness in light of it. As I've been reading through scripture and my journal entries from the last few months I have learned something incredibly important in this time. That even filled with doubts, even feeling isolated from the presence of God, I must turn to Him and praise Him. I find myself like David in the pslams, even in despair and confusion, I cry to God and choose to praise and choose to love Him and my soul comforted. I was particularly struck by the psalmists ability to worship God in Psalm 89. The Psalm begins in one of the most beautiful outpourings of love to God that I have ever read, but near the end he turns to describe how Israel is being mocked and scorned. But then he says "Praise be to the Lord forever. Amen and Amen." That's a double Amen! Even amidst his nation falling around him, the pslamist still desires for the Lord's name to be praised forever and ever. This is what I'm learning, even I do not see tangible evidence of God's sovereignty in India, even if I'm so weak I can't get out of my bed, I will praise the Lord's name. Amen and Amen!

A friend of mine posted the Casting Crown's song, Praise You in this Storm, on her facebook awhile back in the midst of a really hard time that she is going through. It is my prayer for myself, my family, my friends, and the people of India that these lyrics would be true for us.


I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried

Monsoon in Mumbai (pictures from google)

You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away