When I first decided on this blog title with my friend Danielle I knew that my last blog before heading back to India would be the same name as the title. And now here the post is- 11 of the shortest and infinite weeks of my life. With only a few brief hours before I leave for the airport I'm trying to process my purpose here. There is no way that one blog post could at all summarize what that purpose has been and I think that the effects of this summer will continue to become more and more clear as I get settled in home, study sociology, and start thinking about jobs and/or grad school (eek!). Nonetheless this summer has shaped me in some key ways I'd like to discuss.
I have wanted 'to help others' for as long as I can remember. Coming here I have been so humbled in this hope. It is a good goal and one that I still have, but in the face of so many seemingly endless problems I have had to confront my own smallness. This is not to say that no difference can be made, I have seen how a small group, or even a single dedicated person can create a huge difference, but this requires perseverance and often much difficulty. In the midst of being overwhelmed or despondent I have turned to Psalms 37:5 "Commit your ways to the Lord, trust in Him, and He will act". I must rely on God to be the Savior of this world, not on Bethany. I need to be faithful to what He asks and puts before me, but in the end leave it to Him to work and to act. I can not carry the weight of the world on my shoulders (it is narcissistic and catastrophic to even try) but I still have to try and lighten its load on others.
This summer taught me the importance of information and listening. Without knowing a culture, speaking the language or even looking like those that you help there are many barriers to helping. In a worst case scenario the helping can even lead to hurting. I learned from Jatinder, the founder of Prayas, of the story of a small disabled boy who found in a slum, living in the corner of his house totally neglected by family and very malnourished. When his story hit the newspapers a local NGO volunteered to take care him, but they gave him too much food at once and because of his malnourished state it killed him. Good intentions but with an awful result.
India has made me tougher in several ways. While it has revealed to me my weakness with blunt and painful honesty it has also showed me how I can be strong. I have always been sensitive to criticism. When I was young my mom could discipline with a single upset look and I would burst into tears. I learned better to take criticism through karate and playing the cello but I have never enjoyed it, and have a tendency to take it very personally. By the end of this summer I could receive criticism like "that's garbage", take it, fix it, and present something that was acceptable without having a huge blow to my self-confidence. I have also become more willing to stick it up for myself and others. Though never exactly a people pleaser I prefer to avoid conflict, and sometimes allow others to hurt me rather than fighting back. This has been the case in India but in the last couple weeks I have become more fierce. Whether bargaining hard with rickshaw drivers to not get as ripped off (almost impossible for it not to happen a little), yelling at a guy for trying to take pictures of my friends and I, or gesturing at a guy to stop staring at me and the girls on the train back from Pushkar. For the first several weeks the stares from so many Indians, especially men, was incredibly taxing, but by now I've almost gotten used to it- at least it doesn't make me want to scream or cry anymore.
(I leave in 2 hours and need to finish packing so this will have to come to a shorter close but a little more...)
So what have I been doing this last week? I've volunteered 4 mornings at an NGO called Prayas, primarily working in their integrated school for disabled and non-disabled children teaching simple sums, working through english stories and supervising Paint on the computer (I miss Paint). I've learned a lot through talking with Jatinder and seeing such an effective operating organization- over 90% of children in their 4 schools come from slums. Their first class of graduates have entered into international banks and had many other success stories. Though she has received much acclaim for her work, the president of India and Bill Clinton visited Prayas, she still sits in on classes to spend time teaching and playing with the children. She says that as long as you love what you're doing and can see the difference you make in others lives all the difficulties are worth it. After volunteering there today another woman who volunteers offered to drive me back to my house, but first she served me lunch at her house. We had a lovely time discussing India and the American girls that she has hosted on exchange for the last seven years. Yesterday I went to HEDCON for my goodbye party. We had chocolate cake, potato chips, Thumbs Up (Indian version of Pepsi), and samosas, and everyone said very kind goodbyes before I left. Earlier in the week I went gone into the pink city to do some last minute shopping, dressed up in sari's and ate dinner in a revolving restaurant and giggled tons with Menna and Verena. I've also spent three evenings in a row packing- and everything fits. Now I just got to figure out the weight issue.
This may or may not be my last post of this blog, but I wanted to wrap up with a few last questions and thank yous:
What am I going to miss about India?
What am I looking forward to in the US?
I have wanted 'to help others' for as long as I can remember. Coming here I have been so humbled in this hope. It is a good goal and one that I still have, but in the face of so many seemingly endless problems I have had to confront my own smallness. This is not to say that no difference can be made, I have seen how a small group, or even a single dedicated person can create a huge difference, but this requires perseverance and often much difficulty. In the midst of being overwhelmed or despondent I have turned to Psalms 37:5 "Commit your ways to the Lord, trust in Him, and He will act". I must rely on God to be the Savior of this world, not on Bethany. I need to be faithful to what He asks and puts before me, but in the end leave it to Him to work and to act. I can not carry the weight of the world on my shoulders (it is narcissistic and catastrophic to even try) but I still have to try and lighten its load on others.
This summer taught me the importance of information and listening. Without knowing a culture, speaking the language or even looking like those that you help there are many barriers to helping. In a worst case scenario the helping can even lead to hurting. I learned from Jatinder, the founder of Prayas, of the story of a small disabled boy who found in a slum, living in the corner of his house totally neglected by family and very malnourished. When his story hit the newspapers a local NGO volunteered to take care him, but they gave him too much food at once and because of his malnourished state it killed him. Good intentions but with an awful result.
India has made me tougher in several ways. While it has revealed to me my weakness with blunt and painful honesty it has also showed me how I can be strong. I have always been sensitive to criticism. When I was young my mom could discipline with a single upset look and I would burst into tears. I learned better to take criticism through karate and playing the cello but I have never enjoyed it, and have a tendency to take it very personally. By the end of this summer I could receive criticism like "that's garbage", take it, fix it, and present something that was acceptable without having a huge blow to my self-confidence. I have also become more willing to stick it up for myself and others. Though never exactly a people pleaser I prefer to avoid conflict, and sometimes allow others to hurt me rather than fighting back. This has been the case in India but in the last couple weeks I have become more fierce. Whether bargaining hard with rickshaw drivers to not get as ripped off (almost impossible for it not to happen a little), yelling at a guy for trying to take pictures of my friends and I, or gesturing at a guy to stop staring at me and the girls on the train back from Pushkar. For the first several weeks the stares from so many Indians, especially men, was incredibly taxing, but by now I've almost gotten used to it- at least it doesn't make me want to scream or cry anymore.
(I leave in 2 hours and need to finish packing so this will have to come to a shorter close but a little more...)
So what have I been doing this last week? I've volunteered 4 mornings at an NGO called Prayas, primarily working in their integrated school for disabled and non-disabled children teaching simple sums, working through english stories and supervising Paint on the computer (I miss Paint). I've learned a lot through talking with Jatinder and seeing such an effective operating organization- over 90% of children in their 4 schools come from slums. Their first class of graduates have entered into international banks and had many other success stories. Though she has received much acclaim for her work, the president of India and Bill Clinton visited Prayas, she still sits in on classes to spend time teaching and playing with the children. She says that as long as you love what you're doing and can see the difference you make in others lives all the difficulties are worth it. After volunteering there today another woman who volunteers offered to drive me back to my house, but first she served me lunch at her house. We had a lovely time discussing India and the American girls that she has hosted on exchange for the last seven years. Yesterday I went to HEDCON for my goodbye party. We had chocolate cake, potato chips, Thumbs Up (Indian version of Pepsi), and samosas, and everyone said very kind goodbyes before I left. Earlier in the week I went gone into the pink city to do some last minute shopping, dressed up in sari's and ate dinner in a revolving restaurant and giggled tons with Menna and Verena. I've also spent three evenings in a row packing- and everything fits. Now I just got to figure out the weight issue.
This may or may not be my last post of this blog, but I wanted to wrap up with a few last questions and thank yous:
What am I going to miss about India?
- Menna and the other intern girls
- Beautiful skies, sunsets and huge monsoon storms
- Exploring ancient forts in gorgeous hills
- Rooftop hangouts and restaurants
- All the colors
- Wearing Indian clothes and admiring other women's saris
- Traveling cheaply to exotic places on the weekends
- Rickshaws (believe it or not)
- How the cows make me laugh
- Making funny accents
What am I looking forward to in the US?
- Not being stared at
- Feeling safe more consistently
- Simple and safe food
- Lake Michigan and Pacific Northwest Mountains
- Moving into my own apartment and the privacy that comes with it
- Being in a church building once again, and entering back into Christian community at RUF (Reformed University Fellowship)
- Being with my family and US friends again
- Actual clean clothes
- Hearing English spoken and communicating easily with others
- Riding in cars
- A long hug at the airport
I want to give a special thanks to my friends Jackie, Rachel, Molly, and Ethan for their consistent support and encouraging emails and facebook chats. Thank you to SIGP for supplying a huge share of the grant money that got me here, and all the others that supported me financially in this venture. Thank you Adam for your wisdom, friendship, and love. Thank you my dear family: my parents for their support of their 19/20 year old daughter heading off into a strange land and my awesome brothers who give the best pep talks in the world. I am so loved. All of your kindness and support has meant the world to me.
USA here I come!!!!!
have a safe trip back to the states, bethany :)
ReplyDeletea job well-done, sister--I am so proud of you :)
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Brother